Cool Butterfly

Sorry?

11/12/2013 04:19:00 PM by misjudged
“Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” This is from a song way back 90s I guess.
Maybe yes, maybe no. It depends on the situation. May nagsasabi na madali lang kung talagang mahal mo ang isang tao, may nagsasabi din mahirap kahit pa mahal na mahal mo.

Bakit ba nagiging mahirap ang magsabi ng sorry? Lalo na sa mga taong guilty. Lalo na sa loob ng isang boy&girl relationship. Hindi mo alam kung paano mo sasabihing sorry sa kasintahan or partner mo kapag may nagawa kang kasalanan sa kanya. Hindi ko nga rin maintindihan kung bakit talaga siya mahirap ehh. Kung mahal mo naman talaga dapat humingi ka ng tawad. Kung ayaw ninyong masira ang relationship ninyo dapat malaman ng partner mo na you are sorry sa kasalanan nagawa mo. Ang daling isipin, pero mahirap gawin. Kasi natatakot ka sa consequences. Natatakot ka na baka hindi tanggapin yung sorry mo. Natatakot ka sa mga salitang maari mong marinig sa kanya.

Masakit humingi ng sorry lalo na kung naiinis ka mismo sa sarili mo at tinatanong mo bakit mo nga ba nagawa iyon? Mahal mo naman siya pero nakagawa ka ng bagay na masasaktan siya. Masakit tanggapin sa sarili na nagkamali ka. Na sa relationship ninyo may nagawa kang hindi maganda. In the first place why did you do that? Magdadahilan ka, hindi ka perpekto, tao ka lang nagkakamali. Alam mo, mas masakit yung nagbibigay ka pa ng rason. Lalo na kung ipagtatanggol mo pa yung sarili mo. Nagsorry ka dahil inaamin mong may kasalanan. Apologies are ruined by the reasons that come after. Minsan mas mabuti pa yung simpleg pero sincere na sorry. Kasi kung magsosory ka pero may mga idadahilan ka pa, sana hindi ka nalang nagsorry.

Kaya tayo nahihirapan magsorry dahil sa kakaisip ng i-pang-baback-up sa sorry natin.

Madali lang magsorry, ang mahirap eh yung sa taong masasabihan nun. Sobrang sakit ng ganon. Oo dapat matuwa siya at least honest yung partner niya, at least humingi ng tawad yung isa. Pero hindi basta maalis ng salitang sorry yung pain, the fact na gumawa ng kasalanan sayo yung taong mahal na mahal mo? The fact na sinaktan ka siya? Hindi madali. Uulitin ko, in the first place, why did he/she do that? Diba itatanong niya iyan sa sarili niya. Mahal niya ako dib a? Bakit niya ako sinaktan? Bakit niya nagawa yun kung talagang mahalaga ako sa kanya? Whether he/she like it or not, tao lang din siya, nasasaktan. At hindi madali ang tanggapin na yung taong hiling maiisip mong sasaktan eh ay makakagawa ng bagay na hindi madaling tanggapin.

Pero sabi na naman din nila na kung talagang mahal mo patawarin mo. Madali lang naman magpatawad sa palagay ko, lalo na kung talagang mahal mo at kung sincere siya paghingi ng patawad. Ang mahirap eh yung makalimot at ibalik yung dati. Kasunod ng ganitong bagay yung tiwalang masisira. Na kahit anong pilit sabihin ng tao na kalimutan na , hindi madali kasi wala naman sa isip yung sakit para makalimutan. Nasa puso yon, nararamdaman. At hindi mo magagawang kontrolin ang puso mo sa kung ano mang bagay na ayaw mong maramdaman.

Pero sa huli ang mga taong totoong nagmamahal makakahingi ng tawad at makakapagpatawad. Pero hindi rin agad agad. It takes time. Time until one learned the lesson and the other have accepted that this is part of their relationship. Pagtapos isang mas matibay na samahan ang mabubuo. Samahan na handang muling humarap sa pagsubok ng magkasama.

Wag kang matakot na magsorry at makatanggap ng sorry. Magirap oo, nakakatakot oo. Wala namang permanenteng bagay sa mundo. At kailangan ninyong gawin, ay patunayan sa mundo, na ang pagmamahal ninyo sa isa’t isa ang pinakamahirap.. pinakamahirap mabuwag kahit anong pagsubok pa ang pagdaanan.


In the future, magbabalik tanaw kayo sa mga pagkakatong nagsorry kayo at nahingan ng sorry. Tatawanan niyo nalang yung mga foolishness ninyo sa past. Masasabi mong, “yeah, may sorry SEEMS to be the hardest word, but it’s not.” J
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What Hurts Most?

11/06/2013 01:31:00 PM by misjudged
"Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."

Moving on is simple? Tingin ninyo simple ba talaga? Pwedeng oo, pwede ding hindi. Kasi moving on is not just a verb, or an action word. It’s a process. Does the process of moving on hurts? Ito pa yung pinakamasakit na part sa isang relationship? Tingin ko hindi.

“It’s not the ending that hurts so much; it’s the flashback that comes after.”

Yan ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Na hindi yung moving on ang masakit when a relationship ends. Neither the break up itself. It’s the memories that you treasure and the fact na hindi na pwedeng maulit yun.

To be more precise at para mas ramdam natin to, daanan natin yung process.

Si boyfriend/girlfriend nakipag break. At mahal na mahal mo siya siyempre. You never thought this is going to happen. And worst you even thought that you’ll be together till death do you part pa. So ikaw super sawi ka. Pero alin sa mga nangyari sayo ang nakakapagbigay sayo ng hardest time? Alin dun yung sobrang naiiyak ka?

Is it the break up? Ano bang iniisip mo during that time? Na wala na kayo. Na hindi na magiging kayo. Na wala na yung future ninyo forever. Ano bang meron sa future. Ikaw at siya, pero anong ni-lolok forward mo sa future? Hindi ba yung joy na meron kayo nung kayo pa, hindi ba yung memories ninyo together na pwedeng maulit at madagdagan pa. Hindi ba yung mismong tao na maiiwan mo na? The fact na hindi mo na siya makakasama sa future. Hindi ba iyon yung masakit. Kung wala ang mga memories na iyan, kung wala naman sayong gaanong halaga yung taong maiiwanan, will break up still hurt? Tingin ko mas magiging masaya ka pa nga kapag nangyari yun eh.

So it’s not the break up that hurts. It’s the flashbacks and what if’s.

Does the process of moving on hurts? I don’t think so. It is till the memories and the people that you will leave behind makes the process painful. Yung tipong hindi mo gugustuhing mag move on kasi madami kang panghihinanyangan. Madami kang maiiwan at madami kang dapat I let go. Yes the process is simple, accept, let go and move on. Di ba nga life goes on. Hindi mo gugustuhing i-accept yung katotohanan na wala na kayo. At yung mga memories ninyo together will remain as memories na lang. Every time you will look back and remember the things na magkasama pa kayo gusto mo nalang gawin is to hold on on those images on your mind and hope that maybe, if you won’t give up may mangyayari pang himala. Hindi naman yun masama eh. Yung lang ikaw yung nahihirapan, ikaw yung palaging nasasaktan.


Minsan pa you’ll end up thinking that your life is a mess and love sucks. Gusto mo pa humiling na lang ng time because if you could only turn back time. Those thoughts kills you diba? Pero in the end, we have to be strong. We need to move on. Do not be afraid to enter the process of moving on. Because it hurts the same whether you tried to move on or hang on. Lalo na kung wala na talaga yung love. Marerealize naman natin along the way, na kahit sobrang sakit nung mga panahon na inaalala natin yung nakaraan at iniisip ang hinaharap, darating pa din tayo na point na hindi na tayo iiyak habang nagreremenisce. Magugulat ka kapag inaalala mo yung nakaraan ninyo, nakangiti ka na. then you’ll look forward for a brighter future even without your EX. Kasi you already learned your lesson. Hindi yun minamadali, it takes time. And sooner or later, darating din yung time para sayo. :)


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ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

9/18/2013 01:16:00 PM by misjudged
Guys! Take time to read this! WORTH READING 

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! 


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My Advice After a Divorce Following 16 Years of Marriage

8/29/2013 08:42:00 PM by misjudged
Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
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I am Worth a Lot

6/24/2013 07:44:00 PM by misjudged
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:
“What kind of man are you looking for?”
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, ‘Do
you really want to know?’
Reluctantly, he said,”Yes.”

She began to expound…

“As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to
ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself?
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any
man…or woman for that matter.
I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’”

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, “I am not referring to money.
I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.”
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.
She said, “I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I
need conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t
need to be unequally yoked…believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe
for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t
need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a
woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and
game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader and
provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must
respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I
have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will
recognize himself in me. Hey may not be able to explain the connection,
but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for
man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.”

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said,”You are asking a
lot.”

She replied, “I’m worth a lot."

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